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In my compositions presented here I try to recreate and reinvent fragments
in my own life and psyche as a young Israeli, growing up in a "macho"
society where feelings towards other men are often "brotherly ",
physical and warm but seldom cross the dangerous line between a brotherly
hug and a hug of love and desire.
This dilemma is particularly strong in the military life where the saying
in Hebrew "Ani Ohev Otcha Achi" ("I love you my brother")
is a normal way of greeting.
All young Israelis at the age of 18 have to join the army for three years.
From your first day in the army your teenager personality is subdued by
your commanders and you become part of a collective existence full of
strong contradicting feelings: fears, joys, hopes, emotional and physical
strain, bondage and freedom (from home and your parents), horror and beauty,
sadness and happiness and ... an over activity of all kinds of hormones.
You change overnight from a child to a man - a man that has the right
(and the duty sometimes) to love and hate, live and die, make love and
kill …
The thin line between homo-social and homo-erotic in army life can be
so confusing and torturous for a gay soldier. Soldiers hug and kiss each
other, say "I love you brother" to each other, sleep together
- sometimes lean on each others' chests, sometimes share a tiny mattress,
have communal showers where they play "boy games" like throwing
water and soap on each other, sometimes share a hot shower, sometimes
masturbate together.
In 1988 when I was 18, I joined the army. In a series of photos in this
book I have tried to recreate the feeling of loneliness that I suddenly
felt, torn by confusing emotions of "brotherly" love and sexual
attraction to my fellow soldiers, by fear mixed with beauty and fantasy.
Soldiers look manly, confident and beautiful. So are the soldiers in
my photos. But look at their eyes … they reveal the real feelings.
A body full of beauty, masculinity and youth, when erupting with sexuality,
can be misleading - the eyes tell the full story - there is a deep loneliness,
a hidden forbidden passion, fear and confusion in these eyes.
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Biography
